Listen to the Rain
by Gardenia1786
Summary: Sort of a Futurefic. A letter that Jessie writes to Katie after Katie leaves for college.


Fic: It's Raining (1/1)

Author: Gardenia1786 (Chloe)

Rating: Eh, not more than PG. It's a letter ya'll! C'mon!

Summary: It's kind of hard to explain, but it's a letter that Jessie could've written to Katie after Katie left for college. Based in part on the letters in the book _Annie on My Mind_

Feedback: Hehe, I've said it before, I'll say it again. Feedback keeps the writer writing! ;) So give me lots… please? I don't own any of these characters, or the wonderful writings that I took from the book _Annie on My Mind_ by Nancy Garden.

A/N: I love the book _Annie on My Mind_, so I decided awhile back to play around with the types of letters that Liza wrote to Annie in the book. Lol, I even lifted parts of them straight from the book! And this is what happened. Many thanks to Karen for bugging me to write more on this.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

It's raining again, Katie.

It's raining hard, like the night of the cast party last January. It's raining, and I think of you. Whenever it rains I think of you. I can't help it. I'm sitting here at my desk, trying to work on a report, and I can't do it, because the rain reminds me of you. 

It's beating softly against my windowpane, and I'm whisked back to the night that you chose me over Sarah. I stopped awhile ago and leaned back in my chair and chewed on my pencil - remember how that used to drive you crazy? - And I thought of your words from so long ago. 

"_Listen to the rain"_

That's all you said.

That's all you needed to.

I can still see your face; I can still feel the softness of your skin when you touched my hand… I can still taste you, everything. I can't forget you, you haunt me.

You probably always will. 

I can still hear you laugh; radiating through the halls at school… it's so empty without you. 

You probably think I've forgotten about you because I haven't written you back since you left for school. You probably think I don't care anymore, and that you're ancient history. 

Remember the old line Mr. Dimirti used to quote, and you repeated all the time? _"Know the truth, and the truth will make you free"_ Well, here is the truth.

Katie, oh my dear sweet Katie, it was a lie, all a lie. I think about you every second of every day. I still stare at your picture and remember all the amazing times we had together. You're the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing when I go to sleep at night. It's like you're always with me. In some ways, I believe you are.

I just wanted to make it easier for you; I didn't want to hold you back.

I remember how full of life you were... and probably still are. I remember feeling alive for one of the first times in my life. I remember how you made me feel... like I was worth something. That I was pretty, even beautiful. I felt wanted, needed... loved.

I miss you, Katie. I really do.

Its three o'clock in the morning now and I can't get you out of my head. Someone once said that three o'clock in the morning was the dark night of the soul. I don't know if that's true or not, but it is for this three o'clock, and this soul.

Are you happy, Katie? Really happy? You must be, you sounded so in your letters. I don't blame you for telling me you aren't going to write again. I was a fool to let you go.

What's that old adage? The one about 'you never know what you have until it's gone'? Well, it's the truth. I don't think I took you for granted, just the opposite actually.

Truthfully, I'm not happy. I haven't been happy since you left, since I let you go. I guess I never actually let you go, not fully. If I had, this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't still be longing for you, aching for you... but I am.

I still love you, Katie. Did you know that? No, you probably didn't. Not with the way I've been acting for so long.

It's true… you're right. I haven't written to you since you left for college. My problem is, I kept thinking about it. Really _thinking_ about everything that happened and trying to sort it all out in my head. I'm so sorry; I know I'm not being fair. Not in the least. It's not fair, not to you. You're letters to me have been so wonderful, so full of life. So very much like you. I'm sorry, Katie, but I can't write, because I'm still thinking about everything.

I read somewhere, once, that love is good as long as it's honest and unselfish, and hurts no one. That people's biological sex doesn't matter when it comes to love; that there have _always_ been gay people; that other societies have – and do – accept gays. So maybe _our _society is backwards, in this sense. My mind believes that, dear Katie, and I can accept it with most of my heart too, except I keep stumbling on one just one statement: _as long as it hurts no one._ And that's the part that is still hurting me so much… the part I have to figure out. Look at all the people who have been hurt by our relationship. Mom, dad, Eli… even Tad. I just don't know how to deal with it sometimes. 

I'm still wrestling with ideas from my childhood… things that weren't directly taught to me, but things I picked up on. Like 'gays are bad' and 'all gay people are going to hell'… things like that. I was at the store the other day, and I was standing beside a few women who were talking and pointing at a girl over in the corner. She was tall and wore black, her hair was cut short, and she had ear piercing all over her ears. The women were pointing at her. I heard one of them call her a 'dyke' and the other woman started laughing. Our society is so backwards, Katie, when people can't even accept love. Love is love, no matter how you slice it.

And love like ours doesn't come around every day. It doesn't even come around every year. It's a once in a lifetime thing. An "Up high, in the sky, over the fence, World Series kind of thing." I know I messed this quote up, but I can't remember for the life of me where it's from. Help please! Our love is special.

I don't blame you for not writing anymore, my dear, but I want you to know that I'm going to miss your letters with all my heart.

Oh, my dear sweet Katie, I miss you so very much. You truly have no idea.

I don't know if I'm going to send this. I don't know what to. Part of me just wants to say 'screw it all!' and pick up the phone and call you… but I can't. Not yet at least.

I'm sorry, Katie. You're so wonderful, and you deserve so much better than this. 

All my love,

Jessie Sammler 


End file.
